I have been living with my parents for the last four years. This enables me to afford karate, ballet and music lessons for my kids. It also allows me to spend more time with them than if I had to work and pay rent. I pay for all their clothes, food, lessons, etc. Their dad lives across the country and sporadically pays child support. I am going nuts though, living with my parents is squashing any sense of self worht that I used to have. I feel sellfish to think of moving out, but when I think of staying here much longer I think I may lose it. I was wondering if anyone else out there is in a similar situation, or just has an opinion of what I should do.
I’m not against family living together as long as it’s healthy and fair. I don’t think it’s all that fair for your parents to have you and your children living under their roof without you paying. Sure you buy the food, clothes and other such things but what about the heating, electric, water, and trash removal bill, all of which would be cheaper if it was just the two of them.
Also, do your parents let you stay there because they actually want you to live there or are they just trying to help you get back up on your feet, which you clearly haven’t done? If so, then it’s not good to stay there because you are now an unwanted house guest, which causes tension for everyone.
Not only this but living in your parent’s home means that you pretty much have to do things their way. If you want to have people over I would imagine that you would need permission and really who wants to be asking their parents if they can do something when they are an adult. You also mentioned that it’s squashing your self worth, which isn’t good for your children to have to see…….they learn from you, remember that.
I suggest you get a job, move into your own apartment and have your children choose one activity that they love the most. It’s more important that they see their mom feeling confident and independent than a couple of karate, ballet or music lessons.
at least you choose to stay there with yuore kids.My daughter choose to let her kids go and thikn of herself as she put it.She has been offerd to move in and we would help her get her kids back.but know she has a boyfriend married I might add. And prefers to stay with him but yet comes crying she wants her kids.sometimes we have to suffer to make our childrens lifes better.I have been there and have had to due it.But I dont know if i could have lived with myparents for four years even for the sake of my children. Sometimes not what you can give them but the fact you want them is what they want if they are old enough talk to them and see if they want to leave and you do go for it. dont depend on youre parents for youre hole life or you will feel like you h.ave to pay them back for youre hole life good luck
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well we got 2 son , that married, an both move back home, they found out, it a lot harder out their than they tought,, but it realy good in a way, not only do they help us, but we do the same for them an the wifes an kids,,,, as you may know houses an rent is on the rise, an it cost a arm an leg to , live on your own, so, i see nothing wrong, in looking out for the kid ,
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While you’re parents have graciously let you and your kids live with them for so long and you love having their support, you’re kids are becoming accustomed to a lifestyle that they otherwise wouldn’t have. While you’re trying to keep them stable and happy, you’re ignoring your own needs! I’d look into moving out on your own, but maybe close to your parents. You’ll all still need their support, especially through the transition period. Talk to your parents about the possibility of their helping to pay for one extra curricular activity for each of the kids….they may have to give up some of the other extras but this is life….and in turn you are all getting a home of your own.
The fortunate thing about living with them currently is that you have plenty of time to find the right place for you….and don’t have to rush and be picky or take the first thing that comes along! You will find something, it just may take some time!
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Well, honestly, I cannot relate to your situation. However, I can try to give you some advice. I think it is cool that you are able to pay for extra activities and stuff for your children. They will grow up and appreciate that. I think you should live where ever the environment is good for your children. If living w/ your parents is starting to get to you then try to find an affordable place that is suitable for your children. If you stay at your parents feeling like this, you may treat you parents or your kids differently w/out even realizing it. If you feel like you’re gonna lose it, then one day you might. You don’t want to put your kids through that. I think it is definitely time for you to move out and establish some more independence. If you have to pay more money for rent when you move out, then you might have to stop paying for extra activities for your kids temporarily until you work something out. Your children will understand, even if they don’t at first. Living w/ your parents w/ you children can become unhealthy for everyone if you stay there too long. Go w/ your gut. Good luck.
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There are certainly positive things about living with your parents; for one thing, they can enrich the lives of your children (and vice versa). It would probably be better for you, though, if you could make some concrete plans for yourself.
Have you considered taking some career classes? You’re in an ideal situation for that right now; since you are a single mom, you’d probably qualify for a Pell grant. You don’t have the pressure of trying to keep a roof over your heads in addition to going to school.
If you have a goal for yourself, then you’ll be able to work toward a time when you can provide for yourself and the kids and have your own household. Your parents could still be nearby, but you’d be independent.
What I’m reading between the lines is that you are discouraged by being so dependent on them even though it’s making life easer for you. Maybe it’s time to make plans for a life on your own.
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You need to get out of your parents home and be responsible for your children and yourself. You need to show your children standards in life in being responsible otherwise your children will be living with you when they have children of their own.
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This is a hard question. It sounds to me like you are a truly wonderful parent, who puts the needs of her children first. But I know how you feel about living with your parents, too – my Dad lived with me for seven years before he passed away, and at times it made me absolutely crazy (I somehow morphed into a 37-year-old woman with a curfew!). In retrospect, I’m really glad that my daughters and I had that special time with my Dad. They got to know him in a way that none of his other grandchildren ever did. And I am happy today that his last years were spent in the company of his family, and not in a nursing home or anything like that. I know you are probably going crazy at times, but I think you are doing the right thing by staying where you are for now. It won’t be forever….the kids are getting older, and so are your mom and dad. Your days of freedom will come!
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I’m not against family living together as long as it’s healthy and fair. I don’t think it’s all that fair for your parents to have you and your children living under their roof without you paying. Sure you buy the food, clothes and other such things but what about the heating, electric, water, and trash removal bill, all of which would be cheaper if it was just the two of them.
Also, do your parents let you stay there because they actually want you to live there or are they just trying to help you get back up on your feet, which you clearly haven’t done? If so, then it’s not good to stay there because you are now an unwanted house guest, which causes tension for everyone.
Not only this but living in your parent’s home means that you pretty much have to do things their way. If you want to have people over I would imagine that you would need permission and really who wants to be asking their parents if they can do something when they are an adult. You also mentioned that it’s squashing your self worth, which isn’t good for your children to have to see…….they learn from you, remember that.
I suggest you get a job, move into your own apartment and have your children choose one activity that they love the most. It’s more important that they see their mom feeling confident and independent than a couple of karate, ballet or music lessons.
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